Its seems like now a days EVERYONE wants to know the secret "formula" to a successful relationship. Some people have had sooo many bad experiences with previous relationships that they let it effect the next one or just throw in the towel all together, which in my opinion is never the answer. Every person is different and shouldn't be canceled out before they even get a fair trial, right? As a blessed individual, I thank my heavenly father for blessing me with the opportunity to have found my soul mate at an early stage in life. We met in high school and started dating the end of my freshman year (his junior year). With only one breakup that only lasted a summer, many trails & tribulations, we were able to prevail over all and last December we took that leap of faith in God and each other and tied the knot after 6 years. Its crazy cuz many people always seen us as a blueprint of what they want their relationship to be like, which quite frankly is very honoring & a humbling thought. Girls young and old come to me( a lot of times some are way better established than I) and always ask me advice on how to handle their relationships or how to get a man period. Now one thing I NEVER claim or try to come off as is an "expert" at this whole love thing cuz at the end of the day I just knew what worked for me and mines. But as I look at statistics that show how the divorce rate is going up and see many girls that are single but going through the drama of a relationship or just a broken, unhealthy relationship in general it really worries me. One reason is cuz, I dont care how independent or well established a female is, when it's all said and done those things mean nothin if she can't have a man to share it with. AND FELLAS, IF A CHICK TELLS YOU OTHERWISE SHE IS STUNTING! There is probably nothing a girl wants more than to have as close to that fairy tale ending as possible... So how do you find your prince charming? Once you have him how do keep him? Well, as I said before I'm no expert but I do try and help out my sistas as much as possible. These are things that worked for my relationship of almost 7years (next May) so take what you want, apply it, and I ain't Drake but you can thank me later;-) Lol!
How do I find my prince charming?
The first rule that I would hope every lady should know is NEVER GO LOOKING FOR LOVE. 9 times out of 10 when your trying to find love you will start getting so desperate that you'll find yourself settling for whatever you can get. There is nothing a girl hates more than a thirsty nigga so please, please dont be a thirsty hoe! Like the old saying goes, " WHY BUY THE MILK WHEN HE CAN GET THE COW FOR FREE" With that being said though on the other hand, stop setting these standards that are so ridiculously high. First of all nobody's perfect, HELL, your not even perfect. In a relationship you have to take the good with the bad with anybody. It's not always about all the qualities a person has, part of it is knowing and excepting that person for there flaws that can be the beauty of it. Then one of my most biggest suggestions to any and everybody is.... TAKE THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW THE PERSON BEFORE MAKING IT OFFICIAL. BUILD A FRIENDSHIP FIRST! {FRIENDSHIP= STRONG FOUNDATION} I say the stronger the friendship is the healthier the relationship will be. There are too many people that are quick to just jump into a relationship not fully knowing the person they are getting involved with. You even got some that are giving up the goodies on first and second encounters then starting relationships, then in only a few months going through heavier issues that even married folk dont even go through. If they only woulda took it slow in the beginning and really got to know each other in the first place those issues wouldn't have came up. Yes arguing can be healthy to a certain extent but every week, everyday, every couple hours??? Sorry but not okay!.... In my situation I can honestly say that on my behalf it was not love at first site. LOL! But it was love at first conversation. My husband, Jerelle, didn't really have a reputation for being the most nicest guy of the bunch but once I got to finally talk to him and take the time to know him on that personal level, I learned that he was NOTHING like how he perceived to the outsiders. Thats what immediately caught me. But before we really made is official we had such a strong bond and friendship that could have only been God's doing. He was my bestfriend! And what I loved about it is that we kept what was going on with between us only! There were a few times we would come to school dressed alike, same jersey or same color way, and noooobody caught on to us being an item. (corny right? well we though it was cute and fun:-) It wasnt until about a good 4 or 5 months that people started to find out. But that's what worked for us and thats what kept us healthy and protected in the beginning stages.
How do I keep my prince charming?
So now your deep into the relationship (maybe a good year or so) and past the honeymoon stage. This is the point that the real issues can start to pop up. One of the biggest issues is trust. IF THERE IS NO TRUST, THERE IS NO REAL RELATIONSHIP PERIOD POINT BLANK! Sorry folks but this is as simple as black and white. We all know that once trust is broken it is hard to gain it back. We are all human so in a lot of cases your partner may have done something at one point that has broken trust, whether it's cheated, lied about something, sent inappropriate messages to another person, etc. So the next step is getting over that hump. For some people the trust issue can be so big that they never can make it. But if you are deciding to stay and work it out know that building that trust back isn't going to come over night. Also though it is important to understand that if you say you forgive that person then do just that and move on. One reason people can never make it over that hump is because they still hold on to the past. LET IT GO AND MOVE FORTH IN REBUILDING. Another big factor is communication. Knowing and understanding your partners insight on things is so very important. You need to be comfortable with expressing your feelings, needs, wants, all that good stuff in a relationship in order to strengthen that trust and a strong bond. One thing I've always been super big on is making sure to keep that line of communication open as possible with my partner and not really get too comfortable with involving others. I really feel and stress that privacy is key in a relationship. If you start letting everybody in on whats going on between you and yours (especially if its negative) then people will start to feel like its their business to know everything and then eeerrrverybody will have an opinion on what your doing. A relationship/ marriage is between two people only! It's okay if you may not agree on something. Part of keeping it healthy is being respectful and having a respect for your partners opinion. It's okay to agree to disagree and arguments shouldn't be about who is gonna win. A person has a right to feel how they want. Which brings me to my last point, NEVER TRY AND CHANGE A PERSON. One thing people should realize is that if someone shows you who they are, you need to believe what they are showing you. This especially is implied to females who try and stay with men who constantly keep doing wrong and they just stay with them hoping that maybe just maybe one day it'll all change. The only way a person changes is because THEY wanted to change. And honestly when it comes to a lot of men it usually takes that one big event before they change... OH YEA! And I can not end without saying this... TRYING TO TRAP A PERSON IS NOT HOW YOU GUARANTEE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP! Now a days it's so many women (and some men) purposely having babies or pressuring marriage on their partners thinking that thats gonna solve any and all issues and put a guarantee on the relationship. WRONG!!!!!!!!!!! Always remember that the relationship is only going to get as good as whatever the highest point was while dating. The more responsibility the harder your gonna have to work. Especially when your talking on bring another individual into this world, it's not fair to that child or the parent if the "trapping" method doesn't work and now that's one more broken home and relationship.
THE ONE MOST SINGLE IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER IS WITH NO GOD, THERE IS NO LOVE! SEEK HIM FIRST AND ONCE YOU HAVE HIM KEEP IN ALL YOU DO ESPECIALLY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP!
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| My loving hubby lumpkins;-) |
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| They say opposites attract. Its so obvious we are different! LOL! |
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