3 Month Reflection

   Random sidebar: I just realize that every time before Im bout to do a blog I vibe out for a good hour to some good music. Lol! I guess it's a ritual to get my mind right. Right now Im listening to JoJo's new mixtape which I didn't know how fire it really was. Before this I was listening to Solange with "Valentine's Day" on repeat.

   AAANNNYYWWHOOO!!!! I wanted to make this blog a reflection of the changes that has went on in life over the past 3months with the move to Indy and everything and my feelings and opinion on how its going. I'll try to some everything up as short as I can make it but you know how that goes... With this blog I was kinda questioning whether I should even write it cuz being the person I am I always try to be careful of others and their feelings, and make a contentious effort to not offend and stuff like that. But after i kept pondering on it, like many other things, I said "F**K IT!" I cant help these are MY feelings and I have a right to own up to them! So I guess to help me try to keep this semi short and sweet, I'll break it into different parts. Sorry in advice if this may seem all over the place cuz this is me just typing what I feel as I go.

    THE MOVE BACK TO NAP: First I want to make it clear the REAL reason I move back to Indianapolis in the first place. Being that I was moved to Dayton at the age of 8 feeling as if I didn't really have control or even know what was going on , I always kinda felt like I was deprived to be around my family especially my father like I would have loved to have been. But Im not complaining at all cuz in the end Dayton was a good move for me and I love the people that I have met and grown with. Like I always say I dont really have friends so I either consider people to be my family or just associates. But when I got older and started living on my own I notice that as far as the social side of things I felt more at home bring in Dayton but for the good of my prosperity I knew Dayton wouldn't be a good place at the time. Also my father was a big part of my decision for moving to Indy as well because all though he is in good health at the age of 70, I do realize that time to spend with him is getting limited. I wanted to make sure that I could truly be able to cherish time spent with him because of the fact that so many years of it was lost. Plus my dad is an AWESOME support system in my life especially now more than ever. It's such a blessing to know that as long as he is around I'll never have to want for anything and I'll never have to terribly struggle. Another reason for the move was because of opportunity. We all know Dayton has NADA to offer. I felt as if I had a huge barrier holding me back from even opening up my mind to see what it is I even wanted out of life cuz it feels that in the city of Dayton nothing and nobody is really working towards anything but dreams of being a d-boy/ rapper or for girls, dreams of becoming a Kim Kardashian type chick not really know for anything but just have material possessions and being linked to a d-boy. It LITERALLY felt as if there was just this dark cloud over the city and over my heart. My husband and I always had talks of moving out of Dayton to another state but at this current time Indianapolis seemed the most sensible.

   THE ADJUSTMENT: The first month of being here seriously felt like a long vacation. I couldn't believe that we really acted on moving out of Dayton but it was definitely a breath of fresh air. Even when I started my job at my new Target it was just something that felt different. One thing that was a plus was the fact that they give me as many hours as I want which basically means I work full time. At first I just looked at my job as kinda of whatever, it's just what I gotta do to pay bills. But then as time progressed I notice that my team leads and managers started really taking a liking to me. I think one reason is because of the fact that I am crossed trained to do just about everything in the store, which many of my co workers are not able to do. Once I realized how much of an asset I was and the managers noticed it too, things started looking up for me. Now just a week ago I have started my training for food and guest service, which lead to a little bit of a pay increase and plus on top of that my managers have offered me 2 team lead positions! I can do nothing but praise my heavenly father for this because it not only showed me that they see something great in me but it opened my eyes to see something great in myself that I never really thought I had. Soooo, I guess its safe to say that on the job and financial side of things everything is looking way up:-)

    Now, as far as social life goes... ehh?? One thing about being here in Indy it has showed that when it's all said and done.... SOCIALLY DAYTON FEELS MORE LIKE HOME! YUP I SAID IT! I admit that I really do miss the people and the vibe of feeling a little more supported. After all what do you expect? I was RAISED in Dayton. It may make some people mad or uncomfortable when I say this but, after taking a 3 day vacation in dyt a couple weekends ago I realized that those people there feel more like family to me than my own actual family. And that's not a diss to my family cuz I love them all equally just as much but this is just the reality of the situation. Honestly, the move to Indy doesn't make me feel any closer to my real family as I thought it would ( except for my dad and a few people on his side) Which speaking of my Dad's side of the fam this move was also good because its giving me a chance to connect with family on that side that I never met or even knew existed! Like one of my nieces I just met for the first time when I moved up here, although she is about 10 years older than me, the first time we talked it was as if we had been knowing each other our whole lives and we clicked on such a sisterly level. Im so blessed for that. Then my nephew who is 9 years older but so afro centric and even I can vibe with him on a mental level. Lately I have slowly but surely started to rekindle my relationship with my sister on my dad's side and her daughters and family. Then on top of that the beauty of it all is the fact that even though my husband has never really had a chance to connect with my family because of us being from Dayton, and for him to get along so well with my fam on my father side and some from mom's side as well that just really makes me happy. Especially since there was always a feeling of uncertainty of feelings or approval from some of the family because of certain situations that I wont get into but many know what it is;-) Another plus to this move is that I have did a lot of soul searching. I have been so much more open to exploring hobbies and interests and things that I enjoy doing. I have always been a lover of creative arts. Writing, music, drawing, all that good stuff that expresses creative freedom. This blog is a perfect example. This is something that since I've been here I have really grown to love. I even have gotten a bit into drawing and I NEVER knew I could even draw as well as a can. Then just a few months ago I made a bold decision to go natural with my hair. Yup, no more creamy crack for me for a long while.( next blog is my reasoning for going natural)

   IN CONCLUSION: So over all with everything going well, the job, reconnection with family, and the self exploration and expression, it's definitely safe to say that this move was probably what I needed for my own personal growth. I can honestly say that if I was in Dayton there would be no job promotions, no blogging, and no being more open to exploring the things I love because for me there was no MOTIVATION to do so. Here with it being such a big city and with it seeming like everybody is out tryna work hard at whatever is they want, its kinda hard not to find motivation in that and move with the crowd. Before I was always so quick to say "I cant' do these" but this move was what I needed to prove to myself that I can do anything I put my mind to. With motivation and dedication it feels great to know that this move and all my hard work isn't going in vain. Now as far as the social part of things, this move has made me realize that my heart will always be in Dayton. I realized that I love my peoples in Dayton and the saying, " you dont know what you got until it's gone," is so true. But I have faith that eventually I will have that feeling of a strong support system here in Indy as well. Just like everything else that will take work and openness. So I just ask that you all keep me in your prayers and as always I will be doing the same for you. Till next time. God Bless;-)

} Loving my J's (Jordans & Jackson){

I've been wanting a sweet MJ shirt for some time now, especially for my threes cuz I figured it would be a hot look so I finally broke down and bought one. Can't wait to break this fit out<3

Relationship 101!

    


  Its seems like now a days EVERYONE wants to know the secret "formula" to a successful relationship. Some people have had sooo many bad experiences with previous relationships that they let it effect the next one or just throw in the towel all together, which in my opinion is never the answer. Every person is different and shouldn't be canceled out before they even get a fair trial, right? As a blessed individual, I thank my heavenly father for blessing me with the opportunity to have found my soul mate at an early stage in life. We met in high school and started dating the end of my freshman year (his junior year). With only one breakup that only lasted a summer, many trails & tribulations, we were able to prevail over all and last December we took that leap of faith in God and each other and tied the knot after 6 years. Its crazy cuz many people always seen us as a blueprint of what they want their relationship to be like, which quite frankly is very honoring & a humbling thought. Girls young and old come to me( a lot of times some are way better established than I) and always ask me advice on how to handle their  relationships or how to get a man period. Now one thing I NEVER claim or try to come off as is an "expert" at this whole love thing cuz at the end of the day I just knew what worked for me and mines. But as I look at statistics that show how the divorce rate is going up and see many girls that are single but going through the drama of a relationship or just a broken, unhealthy relationship in general it really worries me. One reason is cuz, I dont care how independent or well established a female is, when it's all said and done those things mean nothin if she can't have a man to share it with. AND FELLAS, IF A CHICK TELLS YOU OTHERWISE SHE IS STUNTING! There is probably nothing a girl wants more than to have as close to that fairy tale ending as possible... So how do you find your prince charming? Once you have him how do keep him? Well, as I said before I'm no expert but I do try and help out my sistas as much as possible. These are things that worked for my relationship of almost 7years (next May) so take what you want, apply it, and I ain't Drake but you can thank me later;-) Lol! 

How do I find my prince charming?

 The first rule that I would hope every lady should know is NEVER GO LOOKING FOR LOVE. 9 times out of 10 when your trying to find love you will start getting so desperate that you'll find yourself settling for whatever you can get. There is nothing a girl hates more than a thirsty nigga so please, please dont be a thirsty hoe! Like the old saying goes, " WHY BUY THE MILK WHEN HE CAN GET THE COW FOR FREE" With that being said though on the other hand, stop setting these standards that are so ridiculously high. First of all nobody's perfect, HELL, your not even perfect. In a relationship you have to take the good with the bad with anybody. It's not always about all the qualities a person has, part of it is knowing and excepting that person for there flaws that can be the beauty of it. Then one of my most biggest suggestions to any and everybody is.... TAKE THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW THE PERSON BEFORE MAKING IT OFFICIAL. BUILD A FRIENDSHIP FIRST! {FRIENDSHIP= STRONG FOUNDATION} I say the stronger the friendship is the healthier the relationship will be. There are too many people that are quick to just jump into a relationship not fully knowing the person they are getting involved with. You even got some that are giving up the goodies on first and second encounters then starting relationships, then in only a few months going through heavier issues that even married folk dont even go through. If they only woulda took it slow in the beginning and really got to know each other in the first place those issues wouldn't have came up. Yes arguing can be healthy to a certain extent but every week, everyday, every couple hours??? Sorry but not okay!.... In my situation I can honestly say that on my behalf it was not love at first site. LOL! But it was love at first conversation. My husband, Jerelle, didn't really have a reputation for being the most nicest guy of the bunch but once I got to finally talk to him and take the time to know him on that personal level, I learned that he was NOTHING like how he perceived to the outsiders. Thats what immediately caught me. But before we really made is official we had such a strong bond and friendship that could have only been God's doing. He was my bestfriend! And what I loved about it is that we kept what was going on with between us only! There were a few times we would come to school dressed alike, same jersey or same color way, and noooobody caught on to us being an item. (corny right? well we though it was cute and fun:-) It wasnt until about a good 4 or 5 months that people started to find out. But that's what worked for us and thats what kept us healthy and protected in the beginning stages.

How do I keep my prince charming?

  So now your deep into the relationship (maybe a good year or so) and past the honeymoon stage. This is the point that the real issues can start to pop up. One of the biggest issues is trust. IF THERE IS NO TRUST, THERE IS NO REAL RELATIONSHIP PERIOD POINT BLANK! Sorry folks but this is as simple as black and white. We all know that once trust is broken it is hard to gain it back. We are all human so in a lot of cases your partner may have done something at one point that has broken trust, whether it's cheated, lied about something, sent inappropriate messages to another person, etc. So the next step is getting over that hump. For some people the trust issue can be so big that they never can make it. But if you are deciding to stay and work it out know that building that trust back isn't going to come over night. Also though it is important to understand that if you say you forgive that person then do just that and move on. One reason people can never make it over that hump is because they still hold on to the past. LET IT GO AND MOVE FORTH IN REBUILDING. Another big factor is communication. Knowing and understanding your partners insight on things is so very important. You need to be comfortable with expressing your feelings, needs, wants, all that good stuff in a relationship in order to strengthen that trust and a strong bond. One thing I've always been super big on is making sure to keep that line of communication open as possible with my partner and not really get too comfortable with involving others. I really feel and stress that privacy is key in a relationship. If you start letting everybody in on whats going on between you and yours (especially if its negative) then people will start to feel like its their business to know everything and then eeerrrverybody will have an opinion on what your doing. A relationship/ marriage is between two people only! It's okay if you may not agree on something. Part of keeping it healthy is being respectful and having a respect for your partners opinion. It's okay to agree to disagree and arguments shouldn't be about who is gonna win. A person has a right to feel how they want. Which brings me to my last point, NEVER TRY AND CHANGE A PERSON. One thing people should realize is that if someone shows you who they are, you need to believe what they are showing you. This especially is implied to females who try and stay with men who constantly keep doing wrong and they just stay with them hoping that maybe just maybe one day it'll all change. The only way a person changes is because THEY wanted to change. And honestly when it comes to a lot of men it usually takes that one big event before they change... OH YEA! And I can not end without saying this... TRYING TO TRAP A PERSON IS NOT HOW YOU GUARANTEE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP! Now a days it's so many women (and some men) purposely having babies or pressuring marriage on their partners thinking that thats gonna solve any and all issues and put a guarantee on the relationship. WRONG!!!!!!!!!!! Always remember that the relationship is only going to get as good as whatever the highest point was while dating. The more responsibility the harder your gonna have to work. Especially when your talking on bring another individual  into this world, it's not fair to that child or the parent if the "trapping" method doesn't work and now that's one more broken home and relationship.

Well fam! I hope that some of my advice will be of help to you all in your quest for a healthy love. At the end of everything I do believe that everyone deserves to be loved and deserves to experience having that one person to share everything life comes with, the good and the bad. My last post on my favorite quotes by MJ explains it all! Well until next time folks. Be sure to hit me up on here or my facebook or tweet me what you think or if there are any questions you may have:-) God Bless! 


 THE ONE MOST SINGLE IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER IS WITH NO GOD, THERE IS NO LOVE! SEEK HIM FIRST AND ONCE YOU HAVE HIM KEEP IN ALL YOU DO ESPECIALLY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP!

My loving hubby lumpkins;-)

They say opposites attract. Its so obvious we are different! LOL!







 

       This is one of my MOST FAVORITE quotes in life! Not just because it's MJ but because it really touches on the subject of LOVE;-) RIP MICHAEL JACKSON, KING OF POP CULTURE.